I'm sure this topic has been discussed to no end but oh well

So I pay a seller on the bay $9 to ship 2 magazine size items via priority mail. packaged well. cost to them around 5.50

Is $3.50 not too much of an excess?

I sell regularly on the bay and most of the time I lose money on shipping! Just this week alone I charged $6 cost me $8. $5 cost me $7

And yes I understand the old adage "if you don't want to pay that much, don't bid or buy it"

Rant done

I think the cost would be more like $6-7, maybe more depending on how much protective packing material weight. In any case, the shipping cost is not hidden when you bid. I would only be upset if they advertise priority mail or some form of expedited shipping, then send it media mail; or alternatively, if they pack so poorly as to damage the item. Just work the cost into your bid.

As far as selling, I would opt for free shipping, then put that cost into the opening price. I have done only limited selling on Ebay, so maybe that is a bad move from a fee standpoint, but it protects you from poor shipping ratings as a seller.

Yes, some people aren't that good at calculating shipping (intentionally or not). The question is if it's worth your time and mental effort to think about the difference.

Basically, figure out the total cost, decide if that's a good price to you, and then buy or not based on that. Don't worry about the gaps.